Why Is The Power Struggle In The Relationship Important?

There is a famous and classic saying that “after the storm always comes the calm”. But what happens when this storm represents the wave of happiness that is usually the beginning of a love relationship? The calm means the end of the fairy tale, and the revolutionary hormones of love give way to conflicts and the beginning of the struggle for power in the relationship.

However, even though this statement may have negative connotations, it need not be. In fact, according to Costa Rican psychologist Marianela Esquivel, conflict in a couple can be healthy, as long as it is noticeable. The couple needs to realize what are the triggering factors of this conflict and not allow it to turn into a “snowball”.

The struggle for power in the relationship

As we said, passion ends, and when that happens, we move from a phase of total surrender to finding a balance in which we often regain the top spot on our priority list. The intention is to find a stability and security that somehow restores our autonomy or a good part of it. We are talking about an important moment and how this adjustment will affect the couple’s future.

At that moment, a struggle for power in the relationship begins. However, it will be more or less accentuated depending on the maturity of the people who form it, on the idealization and delivery that occurred at the time of “maximum enchantment”. On the other hand, if you both have the right emotional tools, this “war” is likely not to be so draining.

However, the confluence of internal forces usually occurs at several levels. It is an intrinsic need of each member, which needs to assert itself. A certain self-centeredness then appears which, if the moment is not clear, can end up in mutual accusations.

In any case, it is important to recognize this dynamic. Thus, we will avoid blaming the other person for all the ills that afflict the couple. The war started by the search for power softens and we prevent it from affecting the foundations of the relationship.

How to recognize the symptoms of the struggle for power in the relationship?

Now, the fact that we identify a power struggle does not mean that we can resolve it, although it is a first step. Look carefully if any of these symptoms occur in your relationship:

• Notice whether you both want to always be right and cling to your point of view to the point of not listening and blocking out the possibility of putting yourself in the other’s shoes.

• Make sure you don’t focus only and constantly on your own interests, putting your partner’s interests in the background. Remember you are a team.
• The human being is not perfect, which is why, inevitably, we combine successes with mistakes. So, it’s better not to constantly point out the other person’s faults until we accept our own faults.
• The perfect couple doesn’t exist. In other words, the other person was not as wonderful as we imagined before and now he has turned into a kind of monster. We must not allow disagreements to further idealize the previous state and demonize the present moment.

Can a fierce power struggle be reversed?

Yes, the answer is yes. In general, the struggle for power is provoked by feelings of insecurity and inferiority. However, we should not compensate for the fact that we feel undervalued by attempts to show supposed superiority. For this, it would be good to apply some interesting strategies:

• Seek companionship:  the partner is not only our great love, he is also a colleague, a partner, a confessor. So, before offending, try to be kind, subtle and polite, as if we were talking to a friend, not a rival or enemy.
• Forget about the constant need to win, as this is not a competition. Look for the commonalities, not the ones that separate them.
• Let’s fight for the success of the relationship, not so much for ourselves. If we take care of the couple, in reality, we are also taking care of ourselves.

• Physical contact is paramount.  It is a form of intimate communication and a source of inexhaustible pleasure if we have a modicum of imagination.
• Ask other people’s opinions, value the other, seek the couple’s happiness through loving treatment and lose the fear of rejection.

If we put these strategies into practice, not only will we prevent the struggle for power in the relationship from causing wounds, but we will also demonstrate that this phenomenon is positive. Thus, each one has a role, feels valued and avoids insecurity.