Often Being Strong Is Not A Personal Choice, But The Only Option

Sometimes life puts some stones in our way so that we realize the harshest reality. So, there is no other option but to be strong, combine the armor with the sword, act with intelligence and harness the energy of a stainless heart. However, sooner or later the force goes out, breaks, runs out…

When we read a classic, we know almost instantly when fate will start casting its shadows. When we read Virgil, Shakespeare or Dickens, there is always a right moment where the crack that alters everything appears, that involves and changes everything. As experienced readers that we are, we know how to anticipate when a betrayal, a trap, a mistake or a tragedy will happen.

However, on the stage of our life, less literary and with more edges, we can rarely anticipate what will happen to us. We often live focused on our dreams, tasks and projects, but fate has other plans: it opens a trapdoor under our feet and whispers: “Now it’s time to wait, now your illusions are postponed”.

No one has ever explained to us what such adversity is. In fact, she introduces herself in the first person, as a teacher. We were brought up to believe that whoever tries hard gets a reward; that whoever loves cares and does not abandon; that if you believe, good things happen. However, life often has a poorly calibrated compass, which does not point north, where we are forced to travel the longest, hardest and most complex road… where there is no other option but to be strong. Be strong or at least look strong, so that fate is scared and you don’t falter.

The strong person has a higher risk of suffering from depression

There are now many self-help books and personal growth articles obsessed with teaching us what the 7, 8, or 12 characteristics of “strong” people are. There is a misconception that weakness or vulnerability causes us to suffer from mental illness. Thus, following this line of discussion, being “mentally strong” will allow us to fend off, avoid and defend ourselves from anxiety disorders or dysthymia that hinders us so much and does not let us escape.

Let’s not forget that everything has its nuances: people who are used to being strong are those who have a higher risk of developing depression. Take, for example, people who care for your disabled family members.

Let’s also think about the father or mother of a family, whose spouse is unemployed and carries several responsibilities in addition to financial ones; in the many professionals who occupy their lives helping others, in disadvantaged groups, in sick children, in women who are abused…

We often strive to remain strong for others, offer the best version of ourselves and provide security, solidity, efficiency, closeness, hope and positivity. However, we don’t realize that what we often do is “act”, to follow a role that we created ourselves without realizing that we are betraying ourselves.

We betray our truest feelings, those feelings that disturb our interior: fears, uncertainties, anxiety, feelings of loneliness… Until sooner or later “we break up”, and instead of asking for help, we remain silent; or worse, we continue to obsessively prioritize the needs or desires of others…

If being strong is your only option, accept your own vulnerability

We all know that in the book of our life there are also epics, there are also challenges that we didn’t ask for, tragedies that were given to us and proofs of courage that we are obliged to give. However, in this everyday narrative where we are often seen as heroes because we face everything and don’t complain or cry, there is one mistake we constantly make: we neglect ourselves.

If being strong is your only option, accept your vulnerability, because it doesn’t bring weaknesses, but the awareness that sometimes we need to stop and simply take a deep breath. To be strong is not to ignore anger or contradiction, it is not to forgive ten or a hundred times what harms you until you lose your dignity. Being strong is not acting harshly, imposing our own perspectives to create authoritarian environments in order to maintain control over our surroundings.

In reality, what makes us weak is hiding our own “I” from the world. If we are exclusively concerned with keeping our armor shining to look efficient, strong and that we can withstand everything and more, we will progressively increase the distance between what I “am” and what I “show”, between what I “offer” and what I really need”.

So one way to use the resilient key that opens the door to our self-esteem is to show ourselves as real people at all times. You can be strong and at the same time be able to call for help when you need it. Nobody is weak for asking for help. At certain times, it favors emotional relief and helps us gather strength to move forward…

In conclusion, being strong in a world where the value of vulnerability is not yet understood hampers our ability to promote the psychological well-being of our true heroes. These heroes who take care of others, who at a certain moment were forced to face adversity without anyone telling them that life is sometimes much more difficult than what the books explain to us…

Images courtesy of Sofia Bonatti.