How To Alleviate The Effects Of A Guilt That Keeps You From Moving Forward
We live in a cultural environment that tries to impose certain patterns of behavior on us. We are told that there are rewards and punishments for our actions. When we make a mistake or do something contrary to what “should be” or simply fail to do it, the feeling of guilt appears. And then our problems begin.
In any space we find the rules of behavior: in the family, at work, at school, in our daily lives. In all situations, our decisions go through this type of code of behavior charged with differentiating right from wrong. A morality that accompanies us as we become social individuals.
Sometimes things seem to go further. For example, in some religions, such as Catholic, believers are born with a debt called “original sin”, which can only be eliminated through the sacrament of baptism. They declared us guilty before we came into the world, and we don’t know why they branded us that way.
We cannot be paralyzed by guilt. It’s not healthy to carry this guilt for life: acknowledge your mistakes, reflect and learn from them. In this way, we are able to grow personally and reach our goals. Sometimes the feeling of guilt is so strong that it ends up ruling our lives.
Don’t judge yourself too harshly, and don’t let others be your executioners.
We are always depending on social approval. We are often not able to take a single step without taking into account what others say. And our existence, instead of being a treasure, becomes a cold, dark and hopeless place. We isolate ourselves, we don’t dare to give any kind of opinion, and we do everything possible to make ourselves invisible.
The situation is more complicated when we disappoint someone or ourselves. Regardless of who is right, the first thing that is necessary is to assume a guilt that leads us to judge ourselves in a cruel and merciless way; our confidence and self-esteem are dealt a brutal blow.
It may also happen that other people tell us that our behavior is not appropriate and impose unfair, arbitrary and disproportionate punishment on us. Inevitably, we are the only ones hurt: we deserve the respect we give because this is one of the guarantees for a good coexistence.
No one has the right to deny you a second chance; not yourself. Taking on mistakes is a noble act and it enriches you spiritually. We are all on an equal footing. So that guilt does not become an obstacle, you must forgive and understand that your fellow men have no power over you.
Let the guilt stay in the past and live in the present
Many confuse the phrase “ whoever forgets his story is condemned to repeat it ” (attributed to the Spanish poet Jorge Agustín Nicolás Ruiz). They find in it a reason to stay in the past. It is necessary to remember not to make the same mistakes, but it is also true that no one can grow dragging the weight of what could have been and was not.
Perhaps one of the most common mistakes is getting stuck in the past. We behave like a prisoner sentenced to life in prison and nothing can get us out of this physical and spiritual paralysis. From then on, guilt will dominate our every action and make us frustrated people.
We are a construction in time and space. Our lives are very short compared to the distances in the universe. Here we measure time in seconds, minutes and hours; in days and nights, in cycles of weeks, months and years. The earth is just a pale blue dot in an infinity of time, as Carl Sagan said.
If we look to the past in a constructive way, the guilt will disappear and we will be able to get out of this impasse. It’s the only way to mature. If, instead, we let the past paralyze us and impose itself on our present, we won’t be able to move forward. We are the architects of our destiny, because the future is in our hands.
Images courtesy Patt Brannaghan.
