Regain Control Of Children Through Words
Currently, parents have many difficulties to find clear models of education, and this situation creates from a great disorientation to an attitude of disinterest and apathy. This is what Jaime Barylko describes in his book The Children’s Fear . In fact, according to the author, a new category of parents has emerged who are confused about their parental role, privacy and control of their children.
The educational model in which the father ruled the lives of his children with a fierce control has gone out of fashion. Nowadays, it is more common to find parents with flexible roles, more open to listening and trying to understand their children. However, while this has some positive aspects, the new paradigms come with a series of challenges that must be overcome.
On the other hand, some parents have transferred their role to other institutions. With today’s culture and schedules incompatible with family life, many find it difficult to keep track of their children. But the little ones need a reference figure in their lives to teach them how to behave. So, in this article, we’ll look at how to regain authority at home.
The challenge, of course, is to gain control without becoming a tyrant. Therefore, the models that we will see below take into account the difficulties that parents have to face in the contemporary world. Let’s delve into three constructive child control models.
Three Constructive Models of Child Authority and Control
Authority based on example
Controlling children is necessary for their education and growth, just as it is essential that example and authority complement each other. Now, it’s no use trying to convey educational values and standards to our children if we don’t lead by example. Therefore, the first thing we must consider is that children tend to behave according to the way we act.
If you tell them one thing and then do another, your kids will tend to act on the way you behave. Because of this, your responsibility is very high in relation to your children’s education.
Authority based on prestige and service
The exercise of educational authority requires a foundation of prestige based on one’s well-being. In the education of children, parents should exercise authority as a service directed for their good. There is only authentic control of children when one moves towards the service of education and improvement of children’s behavior.
Authority based on language usage
To have authority through the word, the adult must be fully aware of everything he says to his children. Although the use of words is not enough, you should always take care of the form and tone in which they are used.
Effective Ways to Communicate with Your Children
The way you communicate with your children is one of the fundamental pillars for their education and development, as long as they are accompanied by actions. So, below, we’ll leave several examples of how to talk to them. In each of them, you will be able to observe the comparison between an ineffective way of communicating and one that is effective. The main difference is that, in the latter, authority is achieved through love rather than coercion.
- “Bring me this” instead of “Would you mind bringing this for me? Mom and Dad would be happy.”
- “You’ll see” instead of “Tell me, why do you do this if you know it bothers us?”
- “Get it all right now or you’ll regret it” instead of “First catch will win the prize! Come, in your places… Ready, ready, now!”.
- “Fix it or you will be grounded” instead of “This is too messed up. I’ll go and come back in a bit. If it’s okay when I get back, I’ll bring your favorite snack when I leave school tomorrow.”
- “Go to sleep now” instead of “Let’s go to bed and tell me what you dreamed about yesterday. To see if you can continue the dream today, I’ll help you with a story”.
- “You’re pissing me off” instead of “Let me get some rest so Mommy can play with you longer.”
- “These pants are so dirty, what a disaster” instead of “It’s a shame you get so dirty every day, so we can’t go anywhere. If you try not to get dirty, you can go to your friends’ houses more often.”
The idea is not just for your kids to obey, but for them to do an understanding exercise. In this way, the control you will have over your behavior will be much more effective and lasting, as well as establishing a connection with the value of behaving well in order to live better with yourself and with others.
