They Didn’t Break Your Heart, They Broke Your Expectations

Most people have faced or will face the end of a relationship at least once in their lifetime. This situation, always difficult, seems more complicated for some than for others. When a person claims that someone has broken their heart, that is usually exactly what they feel, a crippling, crippling pain. However, what really happened is that their expectations were not met.

You can make the mistake of thinking that this person had very strong and deep feelings for who your partner was. Or maybe you think it’s a lack of emotional strength on her part. The reality is that the basis of your suffering is not excessive love or personal weakness, but expectations, pure and simple.

didn’t break your heart

They never broke your heart. Literally speaking, it is evident that this did not happen, as it is physiologically impossible. Figuratively, that didn’t happen either. Perhaps at some point you felt that you gave your heart to someone and that person destroyed you. However, in reality, even though it’s hard to admit, it was you yourself who caused this damage.

Love doesn’t destroy, not even when it’s over. When you love someone in a genuine, pure and healthy way, the suffering is different, because it is free of dependencies and you don’t leave your happiness to the other person; you don’t expect it to fill it.

Of course, we all have expectations and, to some extent, they are necessary. We expect respect, support and sincerity from our partners. However, the  mature love understands that each of us is responsible for the well-being. And that responsibility includes knowing how to walk away from those who do not treat us properly, not allowing humiliation, betrayal or disappointment to perpetuate as part of the relationship.

Although people tend to blame the other for these situations, whoever gets hurt is the one who stays in them. Love only hurts the ego. It hurts to cling and neglect self-love in the name of a couple’s love.

No one is heartbroken for loving too much, for a person who really knows how to love would never be so devastated  by someone’s behavior or departure as to claim something like that. She would understand and accept that the actions of the other are not under her power, only her own. Therefore, he would protect his integrity and calmly walk away from this situation. I would feel pain, yes, but I wouldn’t have extreme suffering.

you are not a weak person

If you are one of the large group of people who, at some point in their lives, felt their hearts were broken, don’t feel guilty. You are not a weak person for having harbored this feeling, nor are you weaker than others. Likewise, his partner was not spectacularly valuable. Neither he was much nor you were little. Understand that those responsible for the anguish you may have felt were only your expectations. 

When you are in a love relationship, you begin to project a future with the other person. You make plans, set goals, and set common goals. You hope and trust that the life plan you share will come to pass.

However, as we all know, life is changeable and uncontrollable, and things don’t always go according to plan. If at this point you don’t have good psychological flexibility, adequate adaptability, and solid self-esteem, the impact can be overwhelming.

Generally,  those who are most likely to suffer in a complicated or pathological way after a breakup are overly rigid people who need certainty and control and who are afraid of change.

Learn to control your expectations

It’s okay to share dreams and projects with your partner, but you shouldn’t allow your psychological and emotional stability to depend on it. You must be prepared to face change without being affected. For this, you must work on your awareness, self-esteem and flexibility.

If you feel that your heart is broken, review the true source of that feeling and understand that it is in your power to start loving in a healthier way. Start by loving yourself unconditionally. Change can be scary, but remember that when nothing is right, anything is possible.