Inflated Self-esteem: What Do You Want To Hide?
A few days ago, I was waiting at a supermarket checkout and the customer in front of me started telling the checkout, for no reason and without knowing it, a lot of things about himself, his successes, his virtues, the how perfect he was… “I graduated with honors, my daughter is doing her PhD, I’m currently the director of a company…”
The poor box looked at him and nodded. What was she going to say? But the man kept talking about himself exaggeratedly, as if he was expecting some recognition from her, or some approval.
It really caught my attention and I thought, “Why does he need to be recognized by someone he doesn’t even know?” I don’t doubt that the man really had all of this in his life, and that this is very good, but… why so much need to emphasize such things and to let everyone know?
Although, a priori, we think that this man has a high and healthy self-esteem, because it seems that this is what he wants to show, the reality is that this is not exactly like that… maybe it is exactly the opposite.
People with high and healthy self-esteem feel secure about themselves, and this security is born from their own interior, it is not dependent on the outside world… nor on their achievements, their success, nor on their physique. Certainly these things influence, but do not determine self-esteem at all.
Therefore, someone who is continually seeking praise and appreciation from others is demonstrating that he himself lacks them. For that reason, you probably don’t like yourself, or don’t like the way your life is; but far from acknowledging this and starting to change, he hides, disguises himself and tells everyone how amazing he is. In this way, with this false recognition, you feel secure in the short term… The possibility of rejection would be terrible!
The problem is that while it’s easy to fool others into believing that we are who we really are n’t, it’s not very fooling yourself.
The root of inflated self-esteem
Inflated self-esteem arises in childhood. The child who does not receive approval from those around him, admiration or love in an adequate way, will see himself as a being lacking in value, which will cause him to develop low self-esteem.
Once the child becomes an adult, he can choose two different changes: either demanding love and approval from others, being submissive to requests, dependent, not knowing how to say no to anything and lacking assertiveness for fear of rejection; or exaggerating your identity and self-confidence by being vain and narcissistic and thereby protecting yourself from the possibility that someone will hurt you or say you’ve failed at something.
Deep down, they are people who are terribly afraid of rejection and failure, as well as of not being approved and recognized by everyone. Your attitude is like a cloaking technique.
As these people are not able to recognize their mistakes, they will also not be able to recognize that they have a self-esteem problem and that what they really need is help. Therefore, helping them becomes a complicated task, as the first step to change is to recognize that something is wrong.
The problem, then, remains throughout the years, since with their disguise, they never expose themselves to a negative opinion from others. If someone notices or recognizes their mistake, their attitude would be so hostile and aggressive that they would make no one else say anything to them and, thus, they would save their self-esteem momentarily, even though, deep down, they would die of pain. It goes without saying that these people’s social relationships are very toxic, as others will tend to distance themselves, which will further reinforce their low self-esteem.
Unfortunately, reality is what it is, and whether we like it or not, there will always be someone who rejects us, who we don’t get along with, or to whom we aren’t attractive. The sooner we start to internalize and accept this reality, the sooner we will learn that self-love begins with ourselves and not with the evaluations of others, which we cannot, in any way, control.
Therefore:
– Start by recognizing that you are a human being and that you have the right to fail and make mistakes.
– Ask for help when you need it, as no one is 100% competent in every way.
– Recognize that no one is born knowing and that we all need to practice to learn.
– You’re not the best, there’s always someone better than you. If you want to be better, work and fight for your goals in a healthy way, without comparing yourself and disqualifying others.
– You are a unique and unrepeatable being, valuable just for existing and for being who you are, not needing others to remind you of it daily. You already know who you are, start loving yourself more and being free and less dependent.
– You don’t have to demonstrate anything to anyone. You are not the center of the universe, people are busy with other matters. Cultivate your own inner self, love and respect for yourself. If you love yourself, show security and humility, others will begin to admire you and want your good.
