You Are Not Guilty, You Are Responsible

“I am to blame. It was all my fault”, and for that reason “ I deserve what happens to me” …, all these are phrases that at some point in our daily life we ​​must have already uttered, and with which we may have punished ourselves too much.

The language we use has a direct impact on the way we understand and interpret life. People are hardly aware of this inevitable effect, so we fall into the trap of taking many of our adverse experiences to extremes. We do this only by conditioning the words we use to express them.

We all go through times when we don’t like how we behave, how we resolve a situation, or how someone made us feel bad with their words or actions. Sometimes we get to be very hard on ourselves, even hurting ourselves and judging ourselves harshly.

Also, it’s probably something that belongs to the past and doesn’t really have a real impact in the present moment. However, we feel guilty and torture ourselves. Let’s think about it…

The boycott against our inner self

“It’s all my fault. I’m the culprit” is a phrase loaded with negative connotations, clouding our brain’s capacity to reason, since the emotion it produces in ourselves is very intense. Even so, it blocks all our resources and strength to face the situation successfully, coming to think with clear certainty that we are deserving of all the negative that happens to us.

We can find a comparison between this belief and superstitions: irrational beliefs in which people blame their incidents for having spilled salt, broken a mirror or found a black cat. These dangers bring unavoidable bad luck and nothing can be done to face them, some people say.

Human beings are responsible – not to say the culprits – for their interpretation of their lives, actions and words. This concept has a positive connotation and places us in a privileged place of internal control. Thus, we find ourselves in a situation that predisposes us to act towards what we want to solve, change or improve, whether we strive for it or not.

the misfortune trap

It turns out that if we name luck as the captain of our destiny, we will no longer feel responsible for our lives. In fact, we will be on the very opposite side, in a place of external control, perfect for attributing our pains and glories purely to misfortune or other people’s intervention.

The feat of positioning ourselves and later remaining in a position of internal control can be achieved and integrated into our personality. That’s when we fail to notice that our experiences, positive or negative, are beyond our control, despite having put all our efforts into it.

Don’t forget that a great deal of your personal achievement depends on you, and the way your interpersonal relationships develop is in your hands. Don’t be dazzled and take the light off all your personal abilities.

To you I don’t know (or yes), stop crushing yourself, questioning yourself, feeling guilty, stop wasting time feeling worthy of all the negative that happens. Love and respect yourself. Be responsible for your own life, in a way that does not compromise your self-esteem: only then will you be able to continue with everything that is essential to improve, progress, and change what is bothering you.