Self-pity Increases Your Well-being

There are different ways to interpret the concept of self-pity. In psychology, it means the ability to be less critical and more tolerant of yourself, which allows you to have a more realistic view of your situation.

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with empathy and being kind to yourself, without criticizing or judging yourself for your mistakes. This allows you to stay motivated without worrying excessively about success or failure in everything you do or don’t do.

Furthermore, it represents a skill within the realm of emotional intelligence, which is reflective and nurturing. It allows you to open a space to get to know yourself, take care of yourself and give importance to everything that happens to you. Through it, you turn your gaze inward.

It’s not always possible to get what you want and meet the expectations you set. So if you don’t accept this reality, suffering arises in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism.

On the other hand, if you accept this reality as part of the dynamics of every human being’s life, you experience positive emotions such as compassion, which can help you to live each situation more effectively. 

The lack of compassion for yourself

If you don’t have compassion with yourself, you can try the following:

• Anger  and difficulty connecting with oneself due to isolation.
• Irresponsibility. It means you blame others for your own suffering. You have a black-and-white, nuanced view of life, and you have a hard time accepting that you have the ability to create change in the present. This change is entirely up to you.

• Contempt. It is the feeling of incapacity and vulnerability that is accompanied by the language and non-verbal expression that denote it.
• Hopelessness. It’s hard for you to enjoy the moment and think that better things are coming.
• Lack of perspective . You feel lost and cannot find meaning in life.

When there is an absence of self-pity, it’s hard to remember that you can get the best out of every experience, and knowing that it will help you when you go through similar situations in the future.

Compassion and self-pity

Compassion comes from the perception of another’s suffering. It comes from an open, non-judgmental attitude. In addition to perceiving suffering, it implies letting yourself be touched by it and taking the initiative to relieve it.

Compassion is the ability to offer solidarity to those who suffer and support those in need, even if it means getting involved in their mistakes and weaknesses.

Self-compassion is the same attitude of helping and kindness, but directed towards oneself. We can understand it from the following elements.

• Solidarity . The ability to be understanding and empathetic with yourself when you feel inadequate, incompetent, unassertive, etc.
• Humanity. It means avoiding isolation when you are suffering, thinking that many people go through the same situation. It means understanding that mistakes, imperfections and pain are part of the experience of being human.
• Mindfulness. This is the ability to observe your experiences openly and objectively, without judging them. It means living from a balanced perspective on your emotions, without denying or suppressing pain or identifying only with it.

Self-compassion is closely related to resilience, which is the ability to overcome traumas and be strengthened by them. So it’s about the ability to calm down, recognize your mistakes and learn from them.

Furthermore, it is related to emotional well-being, optimism, life satisfaction, autonomy and wisdom, and contributes to the reduction of anxiety, stress and shame.

Benefits of Self Compassion

When you have high expectations and direct criticism at yourself, the discomfort is greatest when things don’t go your way. This is because the perfectionism you impose on yourself increases feelings of frustration and inadequacy.

Through self-pity, you can take stock of how you treat yourself when things aren’t going well. You can do this by listening to yourself and letting go of feelings of guilt and judgment.

Self-compassion helps promote self-respect and empathy by helping you take care of yourself, rather than criticizing yourself when you suffer or feel you’ve failed.

People with high levels of self-pity have a better perspective on their problems and feel less isolated. In addition, they may experience a reduction in their anxiety levels and an increase in self-awareness of their problems.

Self-pity allows you to better manage negative thoughts by developing emotion regulation. It also increases your positive emotions and helps establish feelings of social connection and life satisfaction.

In this way, it is possible to maintain an adequate perspective and greater cognitive flexibility, which implies a better ability to adapt to changes.