Emotional Insecurity: When Lack Of Trust Invades Us

Navigating through life accompanied by emotional insecurity can be a great burden. Doubting everything, especially about ourselves, is one of the great impediments for the insecure to reach personal fulfillment. Walking around in fear, lack of confidence and indecisiveness is similar to trying to keep your balance on a tightrope and having to juggle a thousand and one ways to try not to fall.

It may be that this insecurity has always been with us, the result of an unhappy childhood due to the absence of a feeling of protection and security. Or, perhaps, it could be that it came about for exactly the opposite reason, that is, because of an excessive overprotection that made us feel inferior or unworthy. In fact, another possibility is that this insecurity only appeared recently, after a very traumatic situation that was too strong a blow for us.

Emotional insecurity is the great enemy of development, largely responsible for boycotting self-esteem and the biggest obstacle to building solid bonds. If we let it invade us, it will seize us and end up nullifying our will through criticism and continual questioning. However, we can always protect ourselves from this, and in the worst case, we can start over and build or rebuild the lost sense of security. Let’s see below.

What is emotional insecurity?

Emotional insecurity arises from constant self-doubt. Doubts about their own abilities, feelings and ways of acting. It is a state of constant confusion that paralyzes and, in addition, makes us wait for validation from other people. Most of the time, this is the bargaining chip to finally reach tranquility – even if it is false.

Now, let us not forget that life is, in its essence, insecurity and uncertainty. In fact, the Spanish philosopher and essayist José Ortega y Gasset would say that life is a radical insecurity, as it can even cease to exist at any moment. The problem is, we’re not aware of it all the time. We spend the day planning, organizing, raising hopes for the future with the certainty that everything will happen at least somewhat as we hope. And, without warning, everything could break into a thousand pieces. We get out of the way or that one just ends, and we’re forced to look for a new one.

Knowing that everything can change in a matter of seconds can help us to live in another way, such as living more intensely. However, this does not mean that we have to adopt insecurity as a companion to our routine. It just means that it’s normal to have her in mind, because sooner or later she’ll make her appearance in our movie. And the best thing is to be prepared to face it.

So you mean it’s better to be insecure and take nothing for granted? No, we’re just saying that from time to time we have to be aware of its presence to avoid living in an imaginary world. Now, this cannot happen in excess. Too much emotional security harms us because, in addition to invalidating any feeling of self-confidence, it can also expand to all areas of our lives. So how can we move forward if we are not sure of anything at all?

The important thing is to know how to differentiate between insecurity more related to a general awareness of life, as an indicator of the external, and emotional insecurity, a much more specific internal state that has to do with ourselves and how we value ourselves. Thus, it is great to keep in mind that change is something permanent in life, just as uncertainty is normal and can even help us to see life differently. But at the same time, we have to trust ourselves and not expect others to express what we have to do or how we have to do things to make us feel good.

What characterizes an insecure person?

To better understand the universe of emotional insecurity and how it affects us, it is important to understand what it is to be an insecure person. Next, we’ll talk about some of the more common characteristics that people who have adopted this state as part of themselves have. Are the following:

• Fear of criticism, judgments and evaluations from others
• Constant need to show their successes and receive praise and attention to feel valid and capable.
• Trend towards perfectionism and competitiveness.
• They are always on the defensive.
• Low self esteem.
• Attempts to infect others with your doubts and insecurities.
• Frequent use of false modesty.
• Presence of a great feeling of distrust towards oneself and others.

Insecure people often act and think heavily conditioned by a constant inner war, a struggle between their need to stand out and demonstrate to others how valid they are, and a deep sense of invalidity and incapacity. In fact, in the most serious cases, this type of person considers that he is nobody if others do not value him, that is, they become completely empty and invisible.

Austrian psychoanalyst Alfred Adler proposed the concept of an inferiority complex as indicative of this type of personality in people. He claimed that insecure people struggle constantly to show themselves superior, which could even have a negative impact on their relationships. This is because this type of person could become happy if he could make others feel unhappy. Furthermore, he qualified this type of behavior as typical of a neurotic person.

But not all insecure people are characterized by these behaviors. It all depends on how mistrustful they are of their abilities and their successes throughout life.

Tips for Dealing with Emotional Insecurity

It is possible to lessen the constant self-doubt and unearth this very negative insecurity that governs us. The important thing is to know that the effort must be ours and that, if we are used to underestimating ourselves, this process will take time and will require patience and determination.

Believing in yourself is one of the strongest pillars we can build to avoid falling and letting ourselves be overwhelmed by emotional discomfort. It is also very hard work, daily and constant. For this, we have to take into account a number of aspects: