How Do Parents Affect Our Mental Health?

The family environment can be a poisoned substrate capable of generating a lot of suffering. Parents often affect our mental health : there are dynamics in which they insert us from an early age in situations of stress, anguish, humiliation or helplessness. These are difficult realities that accompany us into adulthood.

Oscar Wilde stated in one of his works that almost no one knows what happens inside a home. Often, a house with its windows and doors closed is the ideal setting for the most terrifying story to happen, in which the mother, father or any other family member gives shape to an invisible drama that often goes unnoticed by the rest of society. .

Also, there is a fact that should not go unnoticed. The impact of poor parenting and consequent psychological damage can be passed down from one generation to the next, as defined in a study by Dr. Anne-Marie Conn of the University of Rochester Medical Center.

In other words, the traumas generated by lack of attachment, abuse, physical or psychological violence or any other condition that affects the child’s psycho-emotional development do not stop there.

They transcend, affect mental health, even alter our brain development and can even lead to psychological disorders which, in turn, can affect the education of children.

When Parents Affect Our Mental Health

One way or another, parents affect our mental health. Thus, a safe family environment, rich in emotional nutrients and promoting identities and self-esteem will give us the opportunity to reach adulthood with exceptional psychological skills.

On the other hand, deficient parenting styles increase the likelihood that our psychological tissue will be seriously affected.

Furthermore, we know that, currently, the main cause of emotional and behavioral problems in younger children is still the family environment and the dynamics involved in it.

In fact, a study published recently in the  Journal of Family Psychology  and conducted by the University of Texas showed that  a simple smack on the butt can have very negative consequences.

Any gesture, word and behavior in which aggressiveness is implicit or explicit leaves a mark, alters the child’s behavior and, worst of all: this action is imprinted on the child’s brain.

Thus, when they grow up in these environments or under the shadow of certain educational strategies that the parents assume are adequate, but which are not (spanking, aggressive communication styles, authoritarian education…), they usually present certain characteristics:

• Low self esteem.
• They assume that their own needs are unimportant.
• They understand that expressing emotions is negative and incorrect.
• They accept that these dynamics (aggression, abuse, lack of respect…) are common and even permissible.

On the other hand, growing up in these contexts makes each experience crystallize in a certain way.

There will undoubtedly be someone who will overcome the weight of this dark shadow of your life. However,  most people are more vulnerable and will see their mental health seriously affected.  Let’s see how.

Ways Parents Affect Our Mental Health

One of the most common ways in which people end up manifesting the impact of a traumatic childhood, as well as a dysfunctional family, is through chronic stress.

Permanent Stress States

When a child lives in an unstable environment, where he doesn’t feel the attachment of a reference figure, where he feels insecure and unloved, he suffers from stress.

This type of stress is acute at first, but as it continues over time, it takes on a more incisive, latent, and permanent state.

Thus, chronic stress even ends up changing the brain’s functionality, affects attention, memory, often translates into hyperactivity, emotional mismanagement…

codependent relationships

Experiencing this early lack of affection makes many of these people want strong emotional relationships in which they feel validated and secure.

However,  the constant fear of losing this bond plunges them into obsessive states, in the fear that leads them to fall into codependent bonds.

Permanent anguish and helplessness

Growing up without the security of a loving family, an enriching environment to develop a strong identity, favors the emergence of serious psychological deficiencies.

Self-esteem fails and, above all, hope fails. Thus, it is common to experience chronic pessimism and an anguish that signals an absence.

Furthermore,  learned helplessness is a very common psychological reality. The person assumes that whatever he does will change nothing. He or she assumes that they lack control over their own life.

Psychological mechanisms to “hide” a traumatic past

The mind is skillful. The brain is often unable to  deal  with the weight of trauma and uses certain psychological mechanisms  to cope with everyday life without this shadow overshadowing reality.

However, what it does is focus on the pathological conditions that define psychological disorders. The most common are dissociative disorders: it is a type of change where identity, memory and perception of the environment are affected. 

It is an effect of post-traumatic stress that is very common and has its origins in the aforementioned weight of trauma.

In conclusion, as we can see, parents affect our mental health in many different ways. Getting out of these black holes takes more than just time.

It implies courage, it implies having strength and allowing ourselves to rely on professional and specialized help  to support us when it comes to regaining control and creating a healthier, more dignified and satisfying reality.