I Like You Beyond Attachment And Fear Of Loneliness
I like you as I like the stars in the sky ; I know they are not mine but they give light to my life and my dreams. I also like attachment because you make my world look more whole on your side, because it fits in my corners, because you draw paths on the maps I want to travel.
This is love without attachment. They are relationships where there are no blind dependencies, and where each member is able to respect common spaces and the personal development of the loved one, contributing to enrichment full of reciprocity.
On some occasions the word “attachment” raises one or another mismatch. We can’t deny that liking someone is wanting to be with that person at every moment, it ‘s worrying, it’s desiring, it’s thinking every second about that face, that voice, that essence that is part of us.
Love has a bit of an obsession, at the same time it has a need, it’s something normal, especially in the early stages. Now, we speak of attachment in its fullest sense when we somehow lose our own identity and our inner balance for that person.
We don’t leave spaces to enable the growth and personal freedom of each one. This is where mistrust and even the need for control arise.
Emotional attachment is a very destructive type of addiction.
It is important to be able and to know how to live without the other person. We can’t be drifting boats when we don’t have our loved one by our side for a few days. If there is trust, there is no reason to develop these inordinate fears.
We must learn to live with ourselves and feel full, safe and happy with who we are in order to establish a healthy couple relationship without negative attachments. Love but don’t need. Share, but never give everything without expecting anything in return, not even recognition.
- People need positive attachment in childhood to bond with our parents. This offers us security and the possibility of growing and feeling loved and recognized.
- After this phase, we have to build our identity, our personality and this integrity where we feel safe with ourselves, with what we are and what we achieve.
- If you feel good, see yourself as someone safe, happy and with good self-esteem, you will be able to build a stable and happy relationship as a couple.
- Don’t need anyone to fill your voids, because you don’t have them. Don’t need anyone to ease your fears because you don’t have them. Don’t need anyone to ease your loneliness because you like it.
Practice detachment or avoid co-dependent relationships
Love is of no use to us if we understand it as suffering. If we see it inhabited by those shadows that mask us with the fear of being abandoned, with the fear of being betrayed or the fact of depending on someone else to the point of becoming puppets without identity.
We know that these ideas are easy to read and understand, but that doesn’t mean that, even though we know, we don’t fall into a relationship of this type. In love, no one has control, but if you fall into a situation with these characteristics, it is your responsibility to know how to react when you notice.
It will be time to put emotional detachment into practice so that we can walk more freely, more securely. Wiser and able to love with integrity and without fear.
- If we allow the personal growth of the loved one, we will help them to be a richer person internally and with more nuances that, in turn, will enrich the relationship itself.
- We must understand that practicing detachment is not breaking bonds. On the contrary, it is respecting us and praising this complicit trust where I “let myself be” because “I know I am loved”, because I love and trust those who chose me for who I am, and not for avoiding their own loneliness.
- Detachment doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to love, desire or delude yourself for a person with all your heart and soul. It is simply that “nothing owns you”. What owns you imposes vetoes, and whoever imposes vetoes does not allow you to be yourself.
Images courtesy of Babs tarr, Lauri Blank.
