Is It Possible To Change And Remain The Same Person?

How many times have we been told or heard the phrase “never change”? When we think like that, it even seems that changing is something negative, like a person’s weakness : “you’ve changed, you’re not the same anymore”. Change is, however, necessary, natural and essential for survival. Still, many look at it as something negative. But what if we admit that it is possible to change and remain the same person?

In the face of most of the changes we have gone through, there is resistance, either internally or from our external environment. This type of resistance acts against change when it announces itself or begins, but it can also happen when it has already started to take place and even when it has already been consolidated. Now… is it possible that these changes, these transformations, allow us to still have our essence intact, with a continuity and coherence between who we were, are and will be?

In this article we will address the topic of personal change, we will try to understand why there is resistance to change and why it is sometimes frowned upon, and finally we will try to give the reasons that support the idea that we can change and continue being ourselves.

Why do some people resist change and see it as a weakness?

Resistance to change is normal, all systems have internal forces that seek permanence and stability. In other words, keep the already installed daily dynamics in operation, even if this is problematic. This maintenance is easier than creating an alternative dynamic, different or new. We already have certain automated habits and our daily lives are accommodated to them. Routine even allows us to be predictable to others, and therefore does not create the need for them to adapt to new conditions that we eventually create. That is why permanence, even in the short term, is usually more comfortable than moving. And then resistance to it arises.

On the other hand, people also resist change because, over time, they get used to having habits and coping styles in life. They devote a lot of their time to creating psychological tools to manage difficult times and, although these tools are not the most suitable, they were created with a lot of effort.

Thus, resistance to change arises and it ends up being seen as a weakness. If the person acted a certain way for so long and there he was, living apparently well and dealing effectively with life, why change now? As we said, the people around us also feel calmer and more comfortable if they can predict our actions, responses and behaviors. If we change, that prediction becomes virtually impossible for a while, or it becomes more insecure and error-prone. Therefore, without realizing it, the people around us may come to oppose and resist the changes we are going through. They also seek permanence and stability.

And why change can be seen as a weakness? A person changing her mind can make others see her as insecure, fickle and, as we talked about earlier, unpredictable. Changing your mind, however, when you believe that the position we were defending before was wrong, is a smart decision and also a very courageous one. Otherwise, we are more likely to become prisoners of our own contradiction: thinking something and defending the opposite.

The change of opinion is the result of a reflexive process during which, when receiving new information and perceiving reality in a different way, we realize that what we thought before no longer helps us, is no longer correct. So changing your mind is a fantastic thing. This does not change who we are, because we would be a person defined by this intelligent way of proceeding, and not by one opinion or another.

Since this process of change can involve a personal metamorphosis in which many of our ideas or characteristics are involved, when we change we can come to feel that we are relinquishing a part of our being. In addition, we can observe that the people in our acquaintance may not like it, or treat this change as a weakness.

Change and remain the same person: a possible challenge

In most cases, the process of personal change aims to bring out the best in each person. In reality, what we know as change is the result of a person being freed from their grids, limits and fears. We are not changing… we are just breaking down the barriers and being true to our essence, letting it express itself and spread its wings.

How can we change and remain the same person? We can do this by trying to turn around our own axis, looking at reality from different points of view, knowing how to appreciate the totality and exceptionality of each situation. And, based on that, choose how we are going to act, what we are going to think and what to say, following our feelings and our moment in life. We can change without prior, preconceived or rigid rules that force us to always act in the same way, whether we identify with it or not.

Changing and continuing to be the same person requires letting go of any kind of orthodoxy or rule, consciously choosing how to show yourself to the world in this particular moment which is the here and now. All of this allows people to be true to their essence, so they can change and remain the same. Because choosing how we are going to position ourselves according to what we are feeling, and not according to “what we have always been”, is the freest way to live, the most legitimate way of not betraying yourself.

Eastern philosophy and the art of change being the same person

Eastern philosophy explains that virtue is based on not being stagnant, on realizing one’s limitations and overcoming or transcending them. This is the way we have to change and remain the same. Because in this way we open a space for our true selves to emerge, manifest and develop.

Different teachers of Eastern philosophy explain that changing and staying the same person is not a skill to learn easily or quickly. It requires a constant effort, because our psychological system seeks permanence for the sake of energy savings and by necessity;  he seeks to remain stable and have firm pillars.

According to Robert Spencer, in order for us to be elastic, it would be good for us to get used to looking at things from different points of view, thus avoiding the danger of sticking to a single perspective. Only proper training in this kind of mental gymnastics leads to spontaneity. If this exercise is interrupted, our minds soon revert to the tendency to protect themselves, getting stuck in the bars of the chain of our own thought.

In closing, I would like to share a metaphor that explains how it is possible to change and remain the same person:

“Water wins everything because it adapts to everything. It can be a liquid, a solid or a gas. It can be hard, rigid, elastic or soft. Still or fiery, calm or stormy. You may run slowly or run over, avoid an obstacle or crash into it violently. Rush or splash. Water is the natural analogy of change as the ability to strategically adapt to the most varied circumstances.”

And if you were like water… what would you be like?