What Do People Complain About When They Are Close To Dying?
Perhaps one of the biggest punishments we apply is to sacrifice the present to defend ourselves from our fears in the future, when in fact the future is an assumption and the present a reality.
The list that appears in this article was compiled by a nurse who has worked for years in palliative care. This lady’s patients had a life expectancy of less than three months.
She accompanied them these past few days and made them feel as good as they could be, as they understood that the end was near. “It is at this moment that people grow much more than in their entire lives,” he says.
We should not underestimate people’s ability to grow at a point of no return in their existence. Many may say that living in this state is no longer worth living, but the truth is, repentance and thanksgiving become even more valuable when every second counts.
Some of the changes these patients experienced were really surprising. Each one felt their emotions differently, from denial to fear, surrender or acceptance. The latter is what allows you to find peace before you leave.
When the nurse asked them what their regrets were, or what they wished had been different in their years of life, in most cases she would hear common themes in response. The most frequent were:
– “I wanted to have the firmness to live faithful to myself, and not to what others expected of me”. This was the most recurrent complaint. When someone realizes that their earthly existence is about to come to an end, it is easier to see clearly the past, to look back and see how many dreams were left unfulfilled. It is proven that most people make only half of their dreams come true, and die knowing that they could have fulfilled them if they had taken them more seriously and had not given in to what others considered right or advisable.
Living true to yourself is a challenge that we must not overlook. Doing what we like, without caring about “what others will say”. Everyone should enjoy their life as they wish. Don’t wait for it to be too late to grieve. Keep in mind that health gives a freedom that not everyone recognizes until they lose it.
– “I wish I had worked less”. This was more frequent in male patients, who, in their opinion, had neglected family and friendship for working more than 10 hours a day.
Not seeing the birth or growth of children, not being at important moments such as birthdays, always thinking about the boss and the problems at work, etc. Everyone despised their youth, the time when their children were young or when they just got married. In the case of women, this did not happen in past generations, but those who are now reaching old age begin to complain for the same reason.
Simplifying the lifestyle, making the right decisions along the way, realizing that money isn’t everything in this world (even if they want us to believe it is) will make us not have to regret it on our deathbed. Being happier with what you have, not wanting more material things, spending more time with your children, partner, parents or friends, enjoying days off, not working overtime, etc. This is an excellent way to live.
– “I wish I had the firmness to express my feelings”. How many times do we have the bitter feeling that we cannot say what we feel? Many repress themselves in order to be at peace with others, or out of shame at what they might respond to. It has been proven that some illnesses arise from “holding” bad thoughts, censures, words not spoken in time, etc. It’s not just the negative, but also the good, the “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “I need you”.
We can’t control the reaction the other person will have when we say something, but what is certainly true is that it can free us of a great weight that has accumulated in our chest or back. Whether to say it good or bad, don’t hesitate to do it, otherwise you might regret it.
– “I wish I had kept more in touch with my friends”. Old friendships offer many benefits, but not everyone can understand this, until the last moment of their life comes and they “remember” them. Now they don’t have problems at work, a busy schedule, obligations and financial conflicts as before. It is not always possible to locate them when people who are about to die want to tell them what they feel or see them for the last time. Several confessed that it had been a long time (up to tens of years) that they had not seen their friends, because they were always too busy to make an appointment.
With the lifestyle we currently live, chances are you won’t find a “space” in your daily schedule to go have wine or coffee with a childhood friend. With technology, we no longer make appointments, we talk through social networks. However, talking to a friend face-to-face is the best memory a person can take to their grave. Organize your life in such a way that, at least once a month, you meet with them to talk about life.
