What Happens In The Heart Of An Unloved Child

No parent is willing to admit that they don’t love their child. However, this happens more often than it should. When we find a child who is not loved, we will soon notice the marked traces of lack of affection. There is a very big difference between a child who is accepted and loved and one who is not.

There are many reasons for this lack of love. Perhaps the decision to have children was not a conscious and sufficiently grounded desire. There was no place in the heart for this child and therefore it was impossible to accept him.

When a child is the result of a lack of love, he develops behaviors that express his discomfort and discomfort. She doesn’t understand what’s going on herself, especially if she’s very young. An unloved child perceives the world as a threatening place, feels lonely and would do anything to change everything.

The situation is complicated when the parents consciously refuse to admit that they reject the child. In these cases, they develop a series of rationalizations to justify rejection or mistreatment. They say that all aggression or indifference is for the good of the child. In this way, the child ends up getting confused and believes that he is the one who constantly acts in a reprehensible way.

The unloved child and the blame

There are mothers who tell the child that she annoys her or that she is “unbearable”. Obviously, these mothers are stressed out; however, many of them were already under a very high level of stress before they started interacting with the child.

Something similar occurs when they make demands that children cannot meet, either because there are many, poorly articulated, or they require more skills than those corresponding to their level of development and age: they want the child to be quiet for a long time, pay attention for a long period or set the table with the skill of an adult. In these cases, it is the parents themselves who, with their lack of vision, generate their own frustration and what is worse, make the child feel frustrated and incompetent.

An unloved child realizes that everything he does irritates his parents. And that nothing she does is enough to please. As she does not yet have the ability to objectively assess this situation, she develops a strong sense of guilt for all of this. She will create negative self-awareness and develop learned helplessness: she has the feeling that no matter what she does, the result will always be the same and therefore uncontrollable.

The marks of lack of affection

When a child is unloved, their heart breaks. As he cannot understand the suffering he experiences, he manifests it in an indirect way. It develops behaviors or ideas whose function is to release the anguish and pain you are experiencing.

Some of the behaviors that reveal a child’s lack of affection are as follows:

• Develops fears and phobias: fear of the dark, of some objects or animals, of certain situations.
• It becomes very impulsive. Cannot contain anger, crying, laughter or any emotion. Their emotional expressions are always very exaggerated.

• It’s unstable. Today they want one thing and tomorrow another. They also change their behavior from one moment to another, which is common in children, but in those children who realize they are unloved, this trait is more pronounced.
• Develops anxious behaviors such as not being able to be quiet or being curious all the time, or any other type of repetitive behavior.
• Has difficulty concentrating, paying attention and this leads to school problems.
• Become invisible or at least try. It’s there, but it’s like it’s not there. It tries to hide, protect itself, “not exist”.
• Has few social skills:  feels uncomfortable or very aggressive when being with other children or adults.

A child who is unloved and unloved becomes very suspicious. It shows many signs of confusion and restlessness. Sometimes they are too silly and at other times extremely formal for their age. In general, they look sad, obliging and eager for attention.

Human beings need caresses, hugs and loving words throughout their lives. Especially in the early years, these displays of affection are the emotional nourishment needed to develop in a healthy way : it’s a basic need, like eating or sleeping. No father is perfect, but when you have a child, you have to work so that he feels wanted and welcomed into the family in which he will live and grow.